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As a fresher at university, Robin, then 18, fell into a relationship with Dom, 24.“The first year was strictly a bedroom thing,” he tells me.

I thought that was adorable, and sensible, and kind of romantic.” Luke was demonstrative in public and Robin discovered he was telling people he was dating a guy.

“I’d visit, listen to him, we’d cuddle, and usually have sex.

Before long, we were hanging out three nights a week, and on weekends we’d go for long walks and nice dinners and be out – ‘out out’ – in public.” On the surface of it, then, a gay relationship – but Luke didn’t see it that way.

It also depends why the guy doesn’t want to label himself – there’s a big difference between eschewing norms as a form of self-expression and hiding who you are to manipulate the advantages available to you as a straight person.

James identifies as gay, but his first proper relationship was with a man who did not.

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