When is it time to end a dating relationship
He assured me he differently and that he would address his thought processes and behavior going forward, but it was an empty promise. It seemed he only ever saw our relationship from his viewpoint—what he needed at that moment, regardless of what I was doing or how I was feeling.
Once I returned home from our second visit I thought I would just see what happened. And when I objected to him grilling me about my plans and whereabouts, he always answered with an innocent “But I’m only asking questions?
I visit the USA a few times a year to see friends, and he lived in their state, so I thought I had a good idea of his culture and what he would be like in general.
I sensed a real chemistry between us, and thought the relationship had enough potential to give it a chance, even though we lived in different countries.
Initially I just put these sorts of comments down to the difference in our cultures, us never having met, etc.
And in the spirit of giving him the benefit of the doubt, I agreed for him to come and visit me in England. We visited a great restaurant in London with fantastic views over the Thames. When you’re in the exciting early stages of a new relationship it can be really hard to see these warning signs for what they are—serious issues with insecurity and controlling behavior.
John lived in the USA, and he and I seemed to click straight away.In a healthy relationship it is give and take, it is listening to what the other person needs and providing that as far as is possible. Yes, relationship are about change and compromise, but at some point needing someone to change becomes needing an unhealthy level of control.In a long distance relationship it is also living with a certain amount of uncertainty. It can be hard to figure out when someone is asking for a reasonable compromise and when they’re being overly controlling, but your instincts will usually help you figure that out over time.He loved to receive photos, so I made sure I provided him with pictures of my daily activities (although thinking about it afterwards, I’m not sure if this was just him trying to keep tabs on my schedule and making sure I was where I said I was going to be.) But nothing changed.It wasn’t that I wasn’t listening to his concerns or unwilling to change in some ways, I was. However, he just could not tolerate me any time with male friends, or with colleagues outside of work.