Validating conflict avoiding and volatile dating recently divorced men
There are three healthy types of conflict within a marriage: validating, volatile and conflict avoiding, writes John Gottman.When a couple handles conflict in a validating way, each member seeks to appease the other in a peaceful way with the goal of attaining compromise.For others, marriage exists with less than perfect harmony, but that does not mean all is lost.A volatile conflict style often comes with passionate and emotional arguments.Avoiding Demand and Withdrawal Many couples overcome the demand-withdrawal trap in conflict by taking the time to think clearly why they are upset, communicate it without accusation or personal attack, and listen respectfully to the viewpoint of their partner.Exercise: Reflect on how conflict is handled within your relationship!Volatile couples exude a variety of behavioural traits such as humour, teasing and strong persuasion in arguments.An example of a volatile approach might be: Conflict Avoidant Conflict avoidant couples agree to disagree on most issues and frequently seek to minimise the importance of the conflict or problem.
Understanding types of marital conflicts can help when you face uncertain moments in your marriage.
In a column Lee Dye wrote for ABC News, he cites research that Claire Kemp Dush conducted on the consistency of conflict throughout marriage.
Dye concluded that "conflict is always going to be there, in about the same intensity, over the long haul." In other words, if a couple fights before they are married, chances are great they will continue, and they will probably continue with the same conflict style.
Conflict avoiding couples "agree to disagree" said Gottman.
Each of these conflict styles has merit and can contribute to a healthy relationship.