Obsessive dating behavior
A more centered question to ask is, “what do I want?” (and no the answer is not “I want him to love me! Taking the time to focus on what you want for yourself, what you can tolerate, and what you can’t, what you like and what you don’t, can make it easier for you to identify the relationship that will ultimately be healthy for you to be in.However, even during the throes of infatuation, some individuals are extreme in their initial attachment — wanting to know everything about you, showering you with gifts, talking about marriage and commitment within the first few days of meeting, or referring to you as his or her “soulmate.” Looking back, many survivors of obsessive relationships can see that, early on, a partner was putting them in the role they were supposed to play.One of my clients once told me about a successful doctor she dated briefly who, after three dates, asked her when she was going to move in with him.There’s nothing like the thrill of new love — the intensity, the excitement, the obsession. Then, typically somewhere between 6 months and 2 years, our relationship becomes real. It’s purely a matter of willpower that keeps us in touch with our family and friends because, if truth be known, he or she is the only person we want to be with.Dear Anne, I am a 44 year old woman, attractive, and within this past year, I have been through some rough times.I got involved with a man who I didn’t love but he told me he loved me and I became “obsessed” with him.
Whether or not the relationship deepens into something substantial and long-lasting depends on how suitable we are for each other as life partners.Don’t worry too much about having lost your center.We all do it, and you can grow a new one or find your old one if you work at it.However, the relationship does change over time and can often be divided into three definite phases: 1.Absorbed Stage: Due to the consuming nature of infatuation, it can be hard to spot red flags of an obsessive relationship during courtship.